I journaled, read scriptures, and prayed.
What I know now that every emotion that we experienced deserves to be acknowledged and accepted- that is the only way to move past the emotion and all of the horrible side effects that go along with it.
If my struggle with anger, rage, and emotions in general resonates with you, I highly recommend you check out my Facebook group and Guide 1: The Adventure from Outbursts to Peace.
I remember the first time I experienced rage with my horse. it was one of the first times I truly experienced rage- I was about 15. I don't remember what it was that triggered this particular bout of rage, but I can tell you that whatever the trigger was, it wasn't responsible for the entirety of the emotion. Even while in the midst of my rage, I could sense that there were underlying emotions contributing to how I was feeling. That was the first time I had an outburst that scared my horse. That was the first time I had completely and utterly failed him as a leader.
Our horses (and dogs!) look to us for leadership. Being a leader to our animals is not about being in charge and making the decisions because you are the owner. Instinctually, our horses for stability, wisdom, and calm from their leaders- and those qualities are how leaders are chosen! Are there occasionally fights for dominance? Sure, but only if there is more than one potential leader that is stable, calm, and wise.
The minute we lose our cool in front of our animals, that is the moment they know we are not quality leader material. And each time we experience rage, we start to lose that sense of underlying causes. We get so wrapped up and consumed with the rage that we often forget about other things or just translate other emotions into rage.
I have walked this path for over 15 years and now that I have figured out how to truly control my rage, I have seen how dramatically different life can be on the other side.