depression

Restoration Part 1: Rock Bottom

Restoration Part 1: Rock Bottom
At this time, ten years ago, I was in the middle of the worst part of my life. Without going into detail of what actually happened, I want to share where I was mentally and emotionally.

Ten years ago I was feeling very alone. I was married, but my husband was living about eleven hours away and it wasn't a separation that either of us wanted or chose. I was heartbroken. I was left to raise our youngest (she was three), manage the household, go to work, and continue my degree program. It was exhausting and more painful than anything I had ever experienced. I didn't show up as the best mother, employee or student during that time, but I did the best I could with what I had- as everyone always does.

Needless to say, it didn't take long for my husband and I to realize that we had been taking each other for granted to some extent- because we were both miserable and struggling apart.

I was never one to express my emotions before we were separated so under all of the emotional pressure of being separated from my husband, on my own with our daughter, work, and school- I reached and exceeded my emotional capacity. 

Most people in my life wouldn't have even known how miserable I was or that I was battling rage regularly- the most frequent witness to my outbursts was my beautiful little girl. I wasn't proud of my actions and I knew that it wasn't right for me to act that way, but I honestly didn't know that I had another option. 

Within about four months we decided that the best thing we could do was to get rid of our home to take so many tasks off of my plate. That helped free up some time and money, but it didn't make me feel better.

There were days I struggled to get out of bed to be a functional human let alone a good mother, employee or student. I cried myself to sleep regularly, experienced nightmares, struggled with insomnia and often had breakdowns that I recognize now were panic attacks. This was pretty consistent for about three years.
I journaled, read scriptures, and prayed.
I still dealt with anger, rage, and outbursts. I also felt intense heartache. Honestly though, I didn't recognize all of the other emotions I was dealing with- I didn't know I needed to.

What I know now that every emotion that we experienced deserves to be acknowledged and accepted- that is the only way to move past the emotion and all of the horrible side effects that go along with it.

Ten years ago, my world crumbled. My family lost the material life that we built and even our time together for several years. Since then, we have dreamed of restoration. Restoration of our family all being under one roof. Restoration of our material things and more. While we all hated those years, and none of us would want to live through it again, we all learned that no matter how bad things get- restoration is possible.

If my struggle with anger, rage, and emotions in general resonates with you, I highly recommend you check out my Facebook group and Guide 1: The Adventure from Outbursts to Peace.

Meet Margaret

 

I've worked with and studied horses for the majority of my life. I have seen my fair share of injuries and lameness. I've had horses that were trained and some that we broke to ride ourselves.

Through this, there were horses that didn't heal as fast or as thoroughly as I'd hoped. There were also horses that had chronic behavioral issues and/ or were difficult to train. At that time, I believed that was the end of the road with those horses- they had reached their highest potential and it wasn't enough for my ambitions.

Sometime in 2017, I came across a Facebook post that showed before and after massage photos and told the story of a horse that had been struggling to pick up his left lead and was constantly knocking poles in the show jumping ring. After several massages, there were no more pole knocks or problems picking up canter leads. That had my attention. I followed the page that made that post for a little over a year before I finally took the plunge and signed up for the equine massage certification program through Midwest Natural Healing for Animals.

Watching/ following that Facebook page inspired me. I wanted to be able to just look at a horse and KNOW what problems they may be dealing with and how to fix the root CAUSE. I can confidently say that I have learned all of that and more.

I find joy in the relief and release that I provide to horses from all disciplines- I find that helping the horse physically creates a better situation for everyone. Obviously, releasing tension in a horse will lead to relaxation, and relaxation can open the horse up to a deeper connection to the handler. This can also lead to advancement in training and higher performance.

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